Tips to write amazing marriage vows
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
Adding personal vows to your legally-required vow wording is the best way I know to make your elopement or wedding ceremony truly unique and personalised to the two of you. As an Authorised Marriage Celebrant since 2020, I’ve helped many people craft their own heartwarming, tear-jerking, laugh-out-loud, sincere, silly and solemn personal marriage vows.
Here are some of my favourite tips to help you write meaningful personal marriage vows for your wedding or elopement.
Write your marriage vows yourself - don't outsource them to AI
Make time to write them - they're not going to write themselves
Write your vows early - no last-minute stressy vows
Personalise your vows by being specific
Speak your vows out loud - because that's what you'll be doing on the day
If you get stuck, ask your celebrant for help
Tip 1. Write your marriage vows yourself
Don't Google, use ChatGPT or other AI to generate them. I've already discussed the reasons for this at length in this blog post: Please don't use AI to 'write' your wedding vows.
Your vows should sound like you, not like anybody else.
They definitely shouldn't sound like a robot, so don't get a robot (ie AI) to generate them.
If you want to include quotes or references, for example some words from a fave movie you love to watch together, that works because it's meaningful to you.
But if you're just copy-pasting everyone else's vows, your vows will sound generic and not personal to the two of you and your relationship. What's the point of including personal vows at all, if they're not actually personal?
Tip 2. Make time to write your personal vows
I know, I know, we're all busy, with a million things to do, and vow writing is an easy one to procrastinate about!
But you'll need to carve out some time just to focus on writing your vows.
If you're like me and work best under pressure, give yourself a time limit - maybe 30-60 minutes maxium for the first draft.
It's best if you can be somewhere comfortable away from distractions - maybe your favourite cafe, under a tree in a park, or just at home in noise-cancelling headphones with a door shut!
Parents, maybe you could each gift your partner an hour away at a cafe or pub to focus on vow writing?
Tip 3. Write your vows early
I've heard of some couples (not mine!) still trying to write their vows while they're getting ready on the day of the ceremony.
Not on my watch! Your vows are promises that are the foundation of your marriage - they deserve more than that.
Plus, you'll want to spend the days before the ceremony chilling, not stressing about your vows.
I give my couples a deadline: they must get their personal vow wording to me at least one month before the ceremony.
There's a couple of reasons for this.
Firstly, it gives some space between writing them and saying them, so there's a freshness when you speak them.
And because I care about how your ceremony feels, and how you photos look, I arrange them in an easy-to-read layout then have them printed.
On the ceremony day I bring them for you to read in a format that's easy to hold, won't flap around in the wind and will look way better in photos than you reading off mismatched pieces of scrappy paper, or your phone.
To read about the difference between personal and legal vows, see this blog post Do you need vows for an elopement?
Tip 4. To make your vows personal, be specific
Generic vows will sound like everyone else.
Sharing a particular anecdote, talking about a specific idiosyncrasy of your partner's and being very granular in what you're promising will make them your own.
Have a favourite nickname for your partner? Use it! Have a beautiful memory that makes you tear up or laugh whenever you think of it? Mention it!
These thoughts may come in over time, so I suggest keeping a note on your phone ready to jot down ideas as you think of them.
Tip 5. Make your vows a mixture of light-hearted and serious
The best vows have light and shade.
Don't be afraid to talk about the big stuff. Getting married is a big deal and it's great to acknowledge that.
At the same time, it can be fun to talk about the little things too.
Marriage ceremonies are a time to feel all the feels. So lean into it - laughter, tears, promises big and small - all of it.
Tip 6. Say your vows out loud
When you think you’re finished, try speaking them to see how they sound.
The way we write is different to the way we speak, but because you've been writing your vows you might have included some things that don't flow as well when read aloud.
An example of this is the difference between writing "I will" and saying "I'll".
You’ll be speaking your vows on the day, so check that what you’ve written makes sense when it’s spoken, and is comfortable to say.
TIp 7. Stuck? Your celebrant can help with your vows
If you're not happy with them, ask your celebrant (not AI!) to help you tweak them.
Good celebrants know how to help people craft their own vows.
It's one of my favourite parts of the job!
