Including children in weddings and elopements

Sally Bruce
Sep 19
4 min read

Updated: Sep 23

If you have a child or children in your life, there are lots of ways to include them in your wedding or elopement ceremony - without putting pressure on them to ‘perform’.

A couple with a child, joined by two women, walk on a path near white cottages and green trees. Cheerful mood with floral dresses. It's a Perth Hills elopement with Sally Bruce Celebrant — Children are welcome in my ceremonies

Whether your kids love to have important jobs to do (like throwing eco-confetti or bringing up the rings), or just want to be cuddled by you as you speak your vows, there are a multitude of ways your kids can be included in your elopement or wedding.

Beyond flowergirls and page boys - new ways to include children at weddings

In traditional weddings, the only way for children to be involved was to be given a formal role, like being a flowergirl or page boy.

For some kids, being part of the official wedding party is a dream come true, and they can't wait to take on a formal role.

But these roles aren't suitable for every child.

Some are too young for that responsibility. Some children hate being the centre of attention.

And even those kids who don't mind attention in other settings, like a dance concert or getting up to receive an award at school, find that weddings are completely different. They are expected to wear clothes and shoes they wouldn't usually wear, in an unfamiliar location, often at a time they'd usually be napping. And that's before they've even performed their role - walk in time to music, scattering petals or carrying expensive rings, while being stared at by a crowd. It's a lot of pressure to put on a small person.

The good news is that in modern, non-traditional wedding ceremonies, we've found new ways to involve children, beyond the flowergirl and page boy. These and other roles still exist for the kids who love the spotlight, but kids can also be included without putting pressure on them to 'perform'.

Two women in white dresses, one wearing a floral crown, hold a baby in a hat and bowtie. They smile in a decorated room with flowers. It's a Perth elopement with Sally Bruce Celebrant

What if my child cries in the wedding ceremony?

My ceremonies are inclusive and your children are welcome. If we need to pause the ceremony for you to cuddle or comfort your child, that’s fine.

Ways to include children in a wedding or elopement - with no pressure on the child

Mention children during the marriage ceremony

This is the best way I've found to include children - while expecting nothing from them on the day. The couple and the celebrant can mention them at any time during the ceremony. Here are some spots in a ceremony where it's easy to talk about children.

Vows

If you write your own vows, you can include your child/ren in them. This could be as simple as mentioning their name/s, or you could go into more detail by sharing a story or memory of them as part of your vows. You can make promises to them as well as to your partner. Many of my couples hold their children as they speak their vows.

We do

For couples who are also parents, I often write specific wording to include their children in their ceremony. This usually involves asking the couple if they promise to continue to share their love with their child/ren and support each other to be the best parents they can be. The couple then answers, "We do".

A woman in green holds a baby, a man writes on a clipboard, and a woman in pink laughs in a forest setting. Bright and cheerful mood. It's a Dunsborough elopement with Sally Bruce Celebrant — Unfortunately babies can't sign the legal paperwork - even though they want to!

Create a reading out of their words

A family member asked all the couple's nieces and nephews to share their thoughts on what love is. She then incorporated this into a speech that she read during the wedding ceremony.

Ways to involve children in a wedding - for kids who want to be more involved

Formal roles for children in a wedding ceremony

Flowergirls and Page Boys

Whether they are mini-bridesmaids and groomsmen helping the marrying couple throughout the process and walking down and aisle, or just being given the title so they feel special, children can officially be flowergirls and page boys if that works for everyone.

Kids walking down the aisle

Children don't need to be a flower girl or page boy to walk down the aisle at the start of the ceremony. The whole family might like to come in together. Babies and children can walk or be carried 'down the aisle' by one or both partners, without them being expected to walk on their own. One of my grooms danced down the aisle with his two sons. Whatever works for your family.

Man in blue jacket holds child and leads another under floral arch in sunny park. Lake and trees in background. Celebratory wedding scene. — Dancing down the aisle with Dad

Children as ringbearers

If you're exchanging rings as part of your ceremony, some children are happy to bring the rings to you when it's time. Don't place too much responsibility on a child - have the rings in the care of a responsible adult until it's time to bring them up. If we’ve planned that a child will bring the rings to you, and in the moment they don’t want to, I’ll gently step in and bring them to you instead.

A joyful wedding scene with a smiling couple facing a celebrant holding a blue folder. A child in a navy dress walks on a sunlit brick floor. It's an elopement with Sally Bruce Celebrant — Bringing the rings to mum and dad

Children speaking at weddings

Older confident children could do a reading - perhaps written by them.

A child could be asked to prompt part of the ceremony, eg saying "everyone cheer for my parents who are now married!"

Kids plus confetti or bubbles making the wedding more festive

Some kids love to blow bubbles and/or throw confetti - weddings and elopements can be a perfect opportunity to let them! Usually saved til the end of the ceremony, but there's no law that says entire marriage ceremonies can't be performed with bubbles floating around! Tip: Check your venue to ensure they allow confetti, and if so, choose eco-confetti like hole-punched leaves. Some children are also happy to hand out confetti and bubbles to guests.

All photos on this post are by Kat at Red Eclectic

Children and elopements

All of the above can equally apply to an elopement ceremony. The beauty of elopements is that there's way less pressure. With fewer people than a ‘wedding’, those who are there probably know your kid very well, so children are less likely to feel the pressure of the expectations of a crowd.